I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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