$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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