he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
