so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
