Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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