so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
