awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
