see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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