Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
