Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
