Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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