my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
