Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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