Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
