2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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