he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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