Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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