Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
