Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
