I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
