hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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