I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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