I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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