I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
