if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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