A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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