i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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