If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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