if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
