haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
