oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
