I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
