It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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