dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
