I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
