You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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