well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
