My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
