His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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