singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
