My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
