what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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