seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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