it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
