Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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