I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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