We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
