Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
