Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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