Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
