If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
