We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
