Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
