No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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