well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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