I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
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he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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