then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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