If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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