Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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