Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
