Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
