Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
