I cockslap morals
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There r osticjed everywhere
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
